I have a story to share with you.
In my late twenties, I wanted to see the world but had no money. I was a teacher. I applied with PanAm to be a flight attendant, but my vision wasn’t good enough to save people if my contacts popped out. Apparently, sight is needed to evacuate a plane.
My next idea was to be a tour director. I signed up for a month-long intensive course in San Francisco where everyone had dreams of being the next Rick Steves.
In class, I learned how to check a group into a hotel, how to do seat rotations on the bus, how to read a map, and plan enough toilet breaks into a day. On the night of graduation, I got a phone call from a company in Los Angeles that wanted me to start a 14-day bus tour with 40 French people in the Southwest. I immediately began vomiting. I had never traveled in the US and didn’t know the first thing about the formation of the Grand Canyon, the Anasazi, or Siegfried and Roy. But I got on that bus, the NEXT DAY, and somehow it all worked out thanks to a box full of books(this was pre-internet), staying up to 2:00 every morning studying, and the kindest bus driver who would whisper to me what was coming up next, as in “on the right you will see the Empire State Building”.
For three years, I led tour groups across the US and Canada. It was fabulous. I learned so much history, saw most of the National Parks, toured all of our major cities, and met the most brilliant people from all over the world. There were honeymooners, families, and old guys who wanted to see the land of John Wayne. Some people had saved their whole lives for this one trip and they enjoyed every moment. At the end of each tour, I would receive thank you cards, hugs, and loads of tips, it was overall wonderful.
But, it wasn’t all fun and games. Busses broke down in the middle of Death Valley in the summer, people got sick, hotels were overbooked, there were uncooperative bus drivers and people died. But, I could handle all of that.
What I couldn’t handle was a negative passenger. I could have 52 happy campers and just one negative Nelly and that one person would take control of my head. I wouldn’t sleep, my smiles became forced, I would develop a headache and I would count down the days until the tour was over. We could be having the best time; no fog in San Francisco, a bear sighting in Yosemite, no other buses at my favorite picture stops, an easy-going group - but that one person would take over my head. So I quit guiding, doing something I was good at and loved, because of the bullies.
I’ve been thinking about those days lately and how those days on the bus are so similar to what’s going on now in my head.
You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t written in a while. It’s not that I have nothing to write about, but the bully and the negativity have taken over my thoughts. I’ve become obsessed with my news feed. Any conversations seem to include the tragedy of the day.
The problem for me is that just like on the bus thirty years ago, I have forgotten that the world and the majority of people in it are good. The people who smile or say hello when I’m walking my dogs, the neighbor who lends me a tablespoon of baking powder at 10 pm when I’m in the middle of a late night baking frenzy, the nurse who is extra gentle taking my blood, the friend and her son who invite me to lunch at their house, the tram driver that sees me running and waits for me to get in, not to mention my amazing friends and family - they are all good.
In the larger world, there are so many people that Mr Rogers would call helpers. The politicians who are doing what is right instead of what’s best for them, the journalists who are endangering their lives to get the truth out, the teachers who are doing their best despite all the difficulties, the firemen, the doctors, social workers, volunteers - so many, so many good people.
And then there is the world itself, with all of its beauty. Right now, in Switzerland the trees are getting their leaves, the bulbs are coming up in my lawn and the birds, the birds! Everyday chirping lets me know Spring is coming.
It’s going to continue to be a struggle in my head. How do I honor what’s going on, stay informed but not let it take over my emotional well-being and happiness? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I can’t let the bullies win this time. So, you’ll be hearing more from me.
Have a great day, and if you would like, I would love to hear how you find balance in these challenging times.
On another note, I made a layered chocolate cake, #9, on my 25 for 25 list. Can highly recommend Ina Garten’s Beatty Cake.
A wonderful reminder to remember the positive. I know what you mean - so many of us give one person too much room in our heads.
Thank you for this thoughtful piece. In my own writings I have explored how to stay informed yet not go insane. It’s a fine balance, but I try to find those good people who surround me who make life beautiful.